this is a terribly honest and vulnerable blog post

I've been rather quiet of lately, and that's due to two reasons:

1) nothing overly exciting has occurred in which I needed to expand upon any more than a facebook status could tell you

and/or

2) I genuinely haven't felt like it

Mostly number 2.

As you are aware, I'm in the middle of completing my second Masters degree, this one being in Epidemiology, and it is tough. My thesis is due in about 190 days (I've added a counter to the right hand side, how handy!) and all of my projects are still nowhere near being finished, and I cannot see the end of it. I feel all consumed and overcome, that I have nothing else in my life and that all I amount to is some 50,000 words in a book.

I know I'm not the only one out there who has felt despondent about their thesis; I know plenty have gone before me. I just hate crying about it every single day. I hate this massive weight on my chest every time I talk about it. I hate feeling like I am going to fail everyone, that I won't live up to expectations. I know you all think I'm amazing and smart and can't believe I've done two Masters degrees, but inside I don't feel like that's anything more than what has to be done and so what? It's just a university degree; it's what I need to do in order to get where I want.

So, as you can read, I'm not exactly in a good place. I need you - my friends and my family - to keep me sane these next few months.

I ask when you talk to me me, can you ask me about my life other than my thesis? If I start to talk about my thesis/uni/supervisors, then don't try and get me to see the positives of it, just let me talk (which will most likely involve crying).

Try and remind me that I am more than just my thesis, that I have a life.