so what if your life sucks

Whilst I enjoy the praise and admiration that comes with telling people about my plans for working in Kenya next year and my dreams for the future, I do not like the next few cliche lines that always come in reply...

"Oh, you might as well whilst you're young"

"Do it whilst you can, before you get married and have kids"

"When I was young I had dreams of travelling"

"I'm sure that when you get married and have kids you'll change your mind"

Well what if I don't?

What if I do get married and have children and still go on to stop the spread of infectious diseases in disaster zones and refugee camps? Or what if I don't get married? Or get married, but don't have children? Or what if I have a child without getting married?

What if my calling in life is to "do it all"?

Who says that by getting married and having kids it means that I have to get myself into an enormous amount of debt, but a house 50km away from the city and only ever travel to Bali?

Who says that I have to live in Australia (except my Mother, love you Mum!)? Why can't I live in rural god-knows-where and do infectious disease work and send my kids to boarding school? Or find myself moving cities/countries/continents every few years like I have been for the past six years? 

Why is it that everyone seems to have it decided on what I will do, when I don't even know  really what I'm doing past Christmas this year? 

Look, I'm sure that you will consider that I am being naive and unrealistic, and I'm sure that in the future my position may change, but I feel the need to vent my frustration from sitting in a conference with random strangers who felt the need to tell me that when I grow up that things will change. 

Can someone please tell me when this "growing up" thing will happen? Because I'm sure that at 28 years old, having a Bachelors and two Masters degrees, living away from my parents for the past six years and two of those being overseas, I'm sure that I've got a rather good grasp of who I am, what I want to do, and where I'm bloody well going!

These same people who tell me that when I grow up I'll want to settle down are the same kind of people who used to tell me when I was younger that I could do anything I wanted to, that I should keep my options open, and above all... I shouldn't settle for just any man. 

Have you stopped to think that maybe I am doing these things because I'm not married or have even the slightest hope of it, and rather than sit around and wait for some guy, that I'm going out there and using my education for something useful rather than earning money? Have you thought that I don't actually like the fact that I'm 28 and still single, and by now I thought that maybe I could've possibly been maybe engaged and on my way to being married? Or maybe even "settled down"? It's entirely possible that I could do useful infectious disease research here in Australia you know.

Grrr. 

Okay, rant over, go about your lives now. 

And please sponsor me to get to Kenya! Click on those two cuties on the top right corner to donate through paypal. Cheers!

that's all folks!

TA DA!

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, cats and dogs, I have submitted my MPhil (App Epi) thesis! BOOM! 

Adding to this greatness, I have also successfully presented the findings for my Clostridium difficile epidemiological project at the Australasian College of Infection Prevention and Control Annual Conference in Adelaide. All the feedback I received from the audience was that I presented well, not too fast and answered all the questions well (I need another adjective other than well). Tick! Another MAE requirement done!

Last requirement is the defense of my thesis, which I have found out is on December 11 at 10.30am in Canberra. It will be hard but I'm sure it'll be fine. Besides, I'll bring them a cake. Can't go wrong with cake right?

Let them eat cake!

It feels surreal, like I should wake up and need to write some more, or endure awful emails or tearing out my hair or eating incredible amounts of junk food. The most incredible thing is that I haven't cried in a week! SERIOUSLY AMAZEBALLS. I feel so good about it.

I think what the most incredible thing about this whole experience is that I actually did it. When I finally had the whole thing printed, it was beyond comprehension that I had produced the whole complete thing, all two hundred and twenty seven pages of words and pictures and graphs. I did it. ME. I wrote the whole thing. WOAH! Holy guacamole!

So there you go. I'm done. Finis. Completed.

Done.

changing the topic

Let us take a break from my whining about my thesis.
So in my quest to learn French, I've discovered French pop music, and subsequently some more colourful words that I wouldn't learn on a typical Monday night.

My favourite is Stromae, especially Formidable


Translated lyrics are here

I like the line "You were wonderful, I was so pathetic, We were wonderful "
It also talks about people being a bunch of monkeys, and being pathetic just because you have a big fancy ring, and some more colourful language *wink wink*

Anyways, back to writing the thesis, back to listening to lots of foreign music that I don't fully understand and so am not fully distracted by... eight more days!

words are just words

I'm sure you will refute the next comment I am about to make, but supposedly it's true...

Apparently I have a "truncated writing style" and do not tell the reader enough - i.e. that I don't use enough words. And this isn't a new revelation, apparently this has been going on for the past two years, and that I haven't improved whatsoever...

Now for those who know me, you know that I love talking, especially when it comes to infectious diseases. So this would come as a shock to you seeings as the above comments are describing my thesis on the "applied epidemiology of infectious diseases in Western Australia"... how could it be true, that I need more words to talk about infectious diseases?

It's comments like this that don't contain instructions on how to move forward that are playing with my mind.

Where words are failing me is describing this overwhelming urge to cry, punch someone, drive really really fast, and hide in my bed until this is all over. How can 60,000 words push someone to the end of their wits? This consuming pit of ugh that feels like "I'm hungry but eating makes me feel sick and I constantly have the shakes"...

I cannot wait until this is all over.